Last Moment

                “Stop!” I screamed as loud as I could, my voice shrill from the fear of what he was about to do. The wind brushed past, pulling his hair to the side. He didn’t look back at me; why would he? I was just the side show, the person he went to when he got bored of his girlfriend, the one who never believed in love at first sight until my eyes met his. They were sad, brown eyes, eyes that made me want to pull him into my arms and whisper that it would be alright. Instead I smiled and asked him about what he liked, what he did. I had fallen even deeper in love with him with each sound that escaped from his beautiful lips, lips that I so badly wished to kiss.

                I should have, I should have grabbed his arm as he walked away from that motel. I didn’t, though; I didn’t pull him close and tell him the world didn’t matter. What if I had met him earlier? What if I had known him for just a month earlier, before he met her? Would it be different? Why did fate do this, show me something so beautiful then pull it away? I thought all this afterward.

                My arm shot out and I ran to him. I was too far, too far to reach him in time. Time slowed; I was going impossibly slow and he was going normally fast. As he took that final step, he looked back at me. His eyes met mine and it nearly made me stop. They were so sad, so desperate, so filled with sorrow and acceptance that I couldn’t swallow. Hot tears fell down my cheeks, the wind stopped, and he fell.

                The moment he disappeared over the edge, I didn’t do the movie scene and run to the edge. I stopped short and fell with him. The difference was that my knees hit the roof and got a scratch and I could just get up again; he would never get back up. I stared, water still rolling down my cheeks, at the spot where he had just stood; he was my lover, my friend, my soul mate. I loved him, and he loved me, but that was the problem.

                Someone below me screamed. I don’t know who. I heard sirens in the distance and came to the realization that he had done this so no one would know about me. My body was cold as I stood up and mechanically whipped my cheeks; I wasn’t crying anymore, that would come later. I was just cold, scared, and helpless.

                The door behind me opened with a slam. Someone who worked in the hotel came storming out toward me. “What happened?” he demanded, sounding angry at how this looked instead of what happened.

                “I don’t know,” I said, still staring at the spot, imagining him. “I came up here for a smoke and saw this guy. I tried to get him to stop but…” I let my sentence die. He could get the rest.

                A police man followed through the door. The man repeated what I had said. The cop turned to me and I knew I hated him. He thought it was me. Why would I push my love off of a roof?

                “Sir, did you know this man?” he asked.

                I shook my head. I did know him, I knew him inside and out, but I couldn’t say that. He had died to hide our love; I couldn’t ruin that for him now.

Life

I'm preparing for a journey,
One that may never end.
The goal is to learn
And enjoy the ride.
The destination has no matter
The luggage is gone.
It's a journey though life,
That only ends
             With Death

Rule

The rain is cool,

The day is hot.

There is a rule,

I know not.

It controls like and death,

It lets the babe be born.

It takes away thy very breath,

Causing friends to morn.

It dominates day and night.

It rises stars,

It quenches light.

It turns lakes to tar.

This rule controls time,

It even changes the rhyme.

What it is we may not know,

But it can change rain to snow.

(in)Sane

Truly, what is the point of sanity?

It has no value, no reason.

To be sane is just to be average;

Being sane means you think like everyone.

It means you act like everyone.

With this definition, that means the best men were insane;

Einstein, Washington, Hughes, Lincoln, Poe, Franklin.

So why would anyone wish it upon themselves,

To act like all, feel like all, think like all?

            So come, throw sanity out the door!

                        Let your mind roam unchecked!

                                    For truly, the best thing to be

                                                Is INSANE.

Change

The world around me is changing.

Tossing, turning, rolling, shifting.

The oceans work, the wind blows,

People change, scenes die.

The world is

            C

                        H

                                    A

                        N

            G

I

            N

                        G

Even quicker than I.

Darkness Today

How long must the day last before the light seeps into the minds of those around me, who are filled with only darkness, deep, ugly darkness that slithers out and attacks those closest, causing their darkness to expand farther than the rolling fields or rocky mountains of the Earth, so that, by comparison, they are darker than the depths of the night where no stars play and no moon watches; darker than the cold, empty hole deep within the earth that has seen no light since the creation of time, and even then it was a mere glimpse. Time seems to only increase their dreaded hatred, expanding it and morphing it into something much worse that no word may describe; something colder than absolute zero and far worse than the unimaginable pain of torture received by an innocent soul, which has never seen death or anguish until that moment. This hated hate, this painful pain is in the very core of our lives today; it crushes souls before beautiful individuality is reached; it put outs the flame of the mind before it can grow wise beyond what is today. Strength is no longer measured in the currency of skill, creativity, or love, but by the dreaded hierarchy with which we had tried so hard to rid of ourselves. It is not social status as in the days of past, but in normalcy and hate. Helping hands no longer reach toward the cold beggar without a crumb; warm hearts no longer stretch out to those helpless. In the minds of most, there is nothing more than themselves and their everlasting darkness, so that all they see is empty abyss, all they hear is the voice which is produced by their own mouth, all they feel is the petty anger burning inside them, and all they taste is the putrid garbage pouring from their lips, contaminating those pure souls filled with light. Let the light flow forth from the earth, from all things living, and touch these who have lost it. Let it fill them once more so that the hate is replaced with, instead, joy; let love fill the pits of anger. Then, and only then, will we be able to once again survive.

What Anime Has Done to Me

                I want that moment. That moment where I feel like everything is over and nothing is right; when I feel like I can’t go any further and I can’t go back and I’m just stuck in a horrifying limbo where light ends and all I can do is walk in circles without even seeing where I’m going; that moment where all I can do is sink to my knees and block out the world, not even crying, just sitting, because the tears ran out in the beginning and now they have no use. I want to be sitting under some tree on a grassy hill or next to a lake where the wind grabs my hair and pulls strands around my face or even on the side walk somewhere with the rain soaking my back and my feet deep in the puddle in front of me. I want that moment where you are positive you lost me, whether it’s because you said something stupid or I caught you at the worst moment ever and ran away or because you thought someone had hurt me or some guy came and stole me. I want moment, not because I like pain, but because I want that moment where you walk in front of me in the rain with an umbrella or where you run up the grassy hill or when you move my hair from my face and block the wind with your body. I want that moment where I know you can’t live without me, where I can look into your face and see that you thought I was gone, and you were scared to the depth of your soul and never want it to happen again. I want that moment where I know I’m safe as long as you’re with me and that you will never let me go, even though I’m not going anywhere. I want that moment where I know you love me.